1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,810 I often wonder, 2 00:00:00,810 --> 00:00:03,330 Why can't I love you? 3 00:00:03,333 --> 00:00:05,500 No one taught us how to love. 4 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:08,850 Can it be taught? 5 00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:10,377 Nothing I say gets through. 6 00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:12,183 this isn't love, 7 00:00:12,753 --> 00:00:13,133 understand? 8 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:13,853 This isn't love, 9 00:00:13,853 --> 00:00:14,453 this is, 10 00:00:14,853 --> 00:00:15,833 I can't explain it, but 11 00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:17,300 it falls short of the love I imagined by 12 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:17,820 a hundred times. 13 00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:18,633 Do you understand? 14 00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:18,993 I mean. 15 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:19,760 I understand, 16 00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:21,867 you're not listening to me at all. 17 00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:23,347 How many times do I have to tell you? 18 00:00:23,347 --> 00:00:24,327 We've rehearsed so many times. 19 00:00:24,327 --> 00:00:27,027 you can't get past something so simple? 20 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:27,267 You just 21 00:00:27,947 --> 00:00:29,497 don't feel it. 22 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,000 You always say okay, 23 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:31,580 I know, I understand, 24 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:33,620 but you don't believe me. 25 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,193 Do you feel fear? 26 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,770 Hmm, fear of what? 27 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,500 Hmm, death. 28 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,300 Intimate relationships 29 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,067 Friends 30 00:00:44,067 --> 00:00:46,627 Society. 31 00:00:46,633 --> 00:00:50,233 Everything now, 32 00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:53,600 everything that's happening now. 33 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,267 Do you feel fear? 34 00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:55,767 Yes. 35 00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:55,957 Hmm 36 00:00:55,967 --> 00:00:57,357 When I was a child, my family 37 00:00:58,127 --> 00:00:59,433 abandoned me, and then 38 00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:02,193 So in relationships, I fear 39 00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:02,883 Hmm. 40 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,340 instability and uncertainty— 41 00:01:05,060 --> 00:01:06,133 someone suddenly pulling away. 42 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:14,623 Love takes sustained commitment. 43 00:01:14,623 --> 00:01:15,343 Not abandoning each other, 44 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:16,283 not giving up. 45 00:01:16,283 --> 00:01:20,883 And a sense of security, 46 00:01:20,883 --> 00:01:23,143 To love someone, you need to feel secure. 47 00:01:23,143 --> 00:01:24,003 Within yourself. 48 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:29,500 Without security, we can only protect ourselves. 49 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,500 But when we get too close, I feel 50 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:32,850 like 51 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:34,880 there's nowhere further to go. 52 00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:36,067 It's 53 00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:37,357 all on the surface, 54 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,010 just the first layer. 55 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:40,920 You know— 56 00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:41,913 spending every day together, 57 00:01:41,913 --> 00:01:42,933 talking about all sorts of 58 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:44,173 positive things, 59 00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:45,413 and random things. 60 00:01:45,913 --> 00:01:46,167 Oh. 61 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:48,397 Going deeper than that, 62 00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,267 almost never happens. 63 00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:52,097 So that makes you feel very empty, 64 00:01:52,187 --> 00:01:54,067 very defeated, very bored. 65 00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:56,567 Dating is actually about people, 66 00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,797 not the shape of a relationship. 67 00:01:59,007 --> 00:02:00,400 Not just chasing that shape. 68 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,720 You could have that with anyone. 69 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,323 But 70 00:02:05,113 --> 00:02:10,733 But a real connection can't happen with just anyone. 71 00:02:10,733 --> 00:02:14,363 Love flows at other times. 72 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,420 So comfortable, this is so comfortable. 73 00:02:17,433 --> 00:02:19,193 Do you still feel hot? 74 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:19,900 Hmm, 75 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:23,007 Now it feels warm, 76 00:02:23,647 --> 00:02:24,247 just enough. 77 00:02:24,367 --> 00:02:25,287 Alright then. 78 00:02:25,807 --> 00:02:26,837 Not 79 00:02:27,487 --> 00:02:28,500 uncomfortably hot.